Here I am again. Tired of me yet? The rest of the family is hot tubbing around the resort while I happily sit on a chaise soaking up the rays with my earbuds.
So living out loud. I can’t tell you how amazing it feels to be able to live loud and proud. While I’ve always been very happily married, for the last few years, I’ve had to censor a lot. We both have. The lives we lived in our home was very different to the lives we lead outside. Now we can live the same life in and out of the safe zone on our house.
Honestly, I’ve never really believed in having a soul mate… That one person in this world of billions that you were destined to be with forever. One. How could that be?! The last year or so though, that idea had drastically changed for me. How in the WORLD did we find each other?! Some crazy divine intervention must have happened “up there” to make it happen, that’s for sure. I mean, with me going from “I’m asexual” to “well, maybe not… Maybe I’m just gay?” And still being able to remain married to the person I’m in love with, because, “Surprise! I’m a woman!” Sheesh. Who does that happen to?!
Anyways, sorry… Back on track. Being able to live our truth for pretty much the first time while we’re in Hawaii has been awesome. Toby finally called Sarah eema for the first time in front of people, without prompting, and also said, “I have two moms” to a friend they met here. The kid shrugged it off and they’ve been running all over the place together for days.
I’m happier than I’ve ever been. Seriously. I’ve always been happy with my life here, my little family, everything, really… But this is a new kind of happy. This is a refreshing, nonapologetic happiness. It feels good, right, much needed. For some crazy reason, saying “wife” instead of husband feels really good… Oddly, it comes out easier than “husband”. It was pretty unexpected.
Although, to be honest, we were talking this morning how neither of us are entirely sure what to say right now because she’s in this bizarre place of androgeny. Sarah doesn’t look like a girl, but not a boy either… No one really knows what too say until she opens her mouth and it’s definitely a dude’s voice, which makes people scratch their heads. Neither of us know how exactly to refer yet, but neither of us care. We’re just happy living out loud. ❤️
IG: @jenniberr
FB: JenniBerr