Hi everyone! This is a long one… primarily because it’s been a really, REALLY long time since we’ve updated this thing. Sorry about that! Life has been insanely crazy, in a good way, generally!
So since the last update, Sarah has been on HRT for five months at this point. It’s been crazy seeing some of the changes. It’s hard for me to see them because I see her every day…. But when we look back at pictures, particularly from Hawaii, which was about a month before HRT started, to now… WOWZA. It’s like she’s not even the same person!
Here’s a little review about what’s gone on since the last post…
October: Disneyland! We did our annual Fall Break Disney trip. We went with Sarah’s parents. I think it was great for them to see that “no one cares” when we’re out in public and they got to see us in a new light as the new us. Disneyland was one of the first places Sarah started using the women’s restrooms and it went off great! I was the one who was really anxious about it… That’s me though… Anxiety Girl. It’s my superpower. I guess. Ha. But no, really… it was great. We always are out there for the tail end of Anaheim Gay Days so we blended right in. And it’s Disney… let’s face it… it’s a pretty safe place to be yourself. She got lots of “Ma’am’s” and “Miss” which made her very happy… and me too.
November: San Fran trip for my 35th birthday. Another great experience… no issues there either, because, like Disney, it’s San Francisco…. A great place to be LGBT. No one batted an eye and it was a GREAT trip. I got to go to Gucci… Oh my lord. She bought me a wallet. Oh my lord… I’m still trying to recover… if only my hoodie would get here already for Pete’s sake… Anywho…
General notes from the last few months… Both boys continue to be awesome. They love having two moms and it’s just totally routine. Recently, I asked Toby how he differentiates us when he’s talking to people. He said, “You’re Mom #1, because you were my mom first, and Eema is my Mom #2 because she became my mom second.” Hahaha. That kid. I love him. Just today, we were shopping at the mall and Toby found a shirt he thought Sarah would like and he got all excited, taking it off the rack to show her. It said, “Mama needs a beer” and he proudly said, “Not for you… for Eema. She needs this shirt” How cute is that?! I’m pretty sure she bought it.
Stares are significantly less. It’s pretty funny when they do happen though… We tend to stare right back, which makes it stupid awkward, but pretty funny to us. It’s been amusing watching Sarah experience so many of the things that I complain about all the time as a woman… some of them are TMI things I won’t share here, but ladies, you can use your imagination. Haha.
She got her first pair of leggings in San Francisco and loves them. She continues to tower over me (I’m 5’7” and she’s 6’ barefoot) because she wears heels EVERYWHERE. ALL THE TIME. WITH ALL OUTFITS. So, she does tend to stand out like a sore thumb in public, because depending on the shoe, she can be 6’4… but that’s ok. Now that she’s got the leggings, she’s learning how to dress down a little bit too… granted, her idea of dressing down is far different than mine!
I got to go out and buy jewelry for the first time which, holy cow… was an intimidating experience!! We thankfully have an amazing Jeweler that we use (shout out to Christopher and Myranda Diamonds!) and they were really helpful getting Sarah’s name changed in our file and helping me pick out some amazing pieces. She doesn’t have them all yet… we’re in “slam season”… where we have my birthday, Hanukkah, two anniversaries (secular, from our actual legal wedding in 2005 and then our Jewish wedding in 2009), Christmas (with her family), followed closely by Valentine’s Day all within a few months. We’re awful at keeping surprises and secrets from each other, so I’ve already given her one of the pieces, martini cut/set diamond stud earrings. The other two pieces will be coming. They were great at helping me pick pieces and help me design a special piece that I’ll be picking up in the next week or so! EEEEK!!!
We’ve done a CRAP TON OF SHOPPING. I’m talking, when we went to San Fran in November, we had to buy a second suitcase to bring it all home in. Whoopsie. But… we’re both building our wardrobes of pieces that we can have forever now. We’re both finally getting to be ourselves for the first time, so it requires some shopping to make that happen.
Sarah spoke at her school’s GSA that she sponsors with our friend, earlier this month. There was a huge turnout from school staff as well as the students. She was really nervous, but she did a great job sharing her story and answering questions that people had. I’m so proud of her!
So all in all, life is great. 2017 has been a weird year. It’s been really, really, REALLY bad, but also, really, really, REALLY good. I don’t understand how it can swing so far left and right like that, but it really has. I lost my grandma… then shortly thereafter, my mom… and somewhere inbetween, Sarah came out, then I publicly came out, my lil bro got married, we remodeled a third of our house, hosted Thanksgiving, and we’re finally living our lives how we should have been all along… it’s been a whirlwind. To be honest, I’m looking forward to closing this year out and starting fresh in 2018.
I’m hoping to work a lot on my anxiety. It’s been really bad this year. I’m a pro at keeping it under wraps when I need to, but life has been really rough on me this year. Only Sarah get’s to see what I try so hard to hide from everyone else, and I’m so glad I have her. What a lucky duck she is to get to deal me and my special brand of crazy. She’s brought me through some really dark times this year and has stood by even when I think she’s nuts to still be hanging around this hot mess. I’m not sure I could do everything she’s done for me. Really. She always helps me see the light when I’m spiraling into a dark hole. But, that’s what true love is, I guess. I’ve learned a lot about that this year. I don’t know where I’d be without her.
In 2018, I’m hoping to put myself first a little bit more than I have before. I do so much for everyone else, particularly these two tiny humans we’re raising, I rarely take time for myself. I need to do that for me… I think it will help too. I need to get back in shape now that I have control over my calf muscle that has been a pain my ass for the last two years and know how to treat and prevent getting injured again. I have veered off the path of being the person I used to be. I am working to head back to that person, but keeping my new and improved “this is me” self with it. Well, that’s been a nice ramble. Hopefully, I can keep up more with this blog. I’ll send Sarah over as well. She’s been working on drafting a few posts. She has some amazing Then and Now pictures she can put up also.
Love to you all. As always, we love you guys and thank you all SO much for your support! And of course, feel free to share this blog with anyone you think could get something out of it. We’re always looking to connect with others! Feel free to follow either/each of us on Instagram @Jennaberr and @chandlersarahb
Happy Holidays! Whatever you celebrate… I hope it’s amazing!
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